Oh, hey.
It’s me—Caffeine. The reason your alarm clock isn’t your worst enemy and why you don’t fall asleep mid-email.
I hear people love to tell the story of how they discovered me. Some goat, some monk, some ancient sip that changed the world forever. Cute. But let’s be real…
I was never “discovered.” I was just waiting for humans to catch up.
The Goat That Started It All 🐐
Alright, fine. Let’s humour you with your version of my origin story.
Picture this: Ethiopia, 9th century. Rolling green hills, fresh air, and a herd of goats belonging to a shepherd named Kaldi. Kaldi starts noticing something weird—his goats aren’t just eating grass and calling it a day. Nope. They’ve got energy.
These little furballs are jumping, running, and basically throwing their own raves after munching on some mysterious red berries. Kaldi, being a curious lad, decides to try them himself. And BAM—suddenly, he’s alert. Focused. Ready to conquer the world (or, at the very least, finish his herding duties without falling asleep).
Kaldi rushes to a nearby monastery to share his discovery with the monks. They’re skeptical (as monks tend to be), but one of them takes a chance. He brews the berries into a drink, takes a sip… and just like that, the first all-nighter in history is pulled.
Monks start drinking it to stay awake for prayers. Traders get their hands on it. Word spreads. And before you know it, I—Caffeine—am unstoppable.
From Ethiopia to Everywhere
Once the world got a taste of me, there was no turning back.
I traveled through Yemen, where Sufi monks used me to stay up during night-long meditations. Then I hopped over to the Middle East, where coffee houses—qahveh khaneh—became the place to be. By the time I reached Europe, people were terrified of me at first (seriously, they called coffee the “Devil’s Cup”). But guess what? The Pope took one sip and basically said, "Nah, this is too good—God would never ban this."
Fast forward a few centuries, and here we are. You, reading this. Me, flowing through your bloodstream, keeping your brain switched on.
But Let’s Not Forget Where It All Began
Ethiopia. My birthplace. The one place where coffee isn’t just a drink—it’s a ritual, a culture, a way of life.
And if you want to taste coffee the way it was meant to be? You know where to go. Bunna Corner—where every sip carries history, tradition, and a whole lot of me.
Now, go forth. Tell my story. And whatever you do—never settle for weak, lifeless coffee again.
Stay buzzed,
☕ Caffeine